UA-119555308-1 should you reinvent yourself? | Zu Hause

Tuesday, 19 September 2017

should you reinvent yourself?

I've been at a slight loss for words lately, kept busy by new circumstances. I spent over an hour writing my college timetable into my moleskine in the hopes that I'll bring that thing with me everywhere in the autumn. I've been on the website of my university, day after day, seeking information about buildings and people and societies. I hoovered my room late last night, and have a whole list of surfaces I want to clean today so that I can feel fresh.

I've been listening to "Just the Two of Us" by Grover Washington on repeat. I don't really know why, because it has no relevance to my life, but I've been enjoying it, and any time that it's not on Spotify, it's in my head, so I choose to listen to it properly. All the while I've been thinking about fresh starts, like the one I'm soon going to be making. We hear it a lot, it's got to be said, "college is the perfect time to reinvent yourself". And I was listening to that on repeat too, but I've started to realise that I don't really want to reinvent myself.

I don't want to be someone else, or someone new.

I want to be the person that I am inside, that only my closest friends get to see, that only my family knows. I don't want to change really, only in confidence.

I think I'm learning more about myself as I go along. I kind of sort of know what types of clothes I like to wear, the ones that make me feel pretty and comfortable. I have a vague sense of what my better qualities are, and of the worse ones that I need to work on. I'm learning all the time how to like myself better, and realising that most of my fear of being judged or disliked is me talking, and not anyone else. I've got to admit it too; all of the kind comments you leave on this blog help me to know these things.

So, as I sit here in my dressing gown and think about what outfit I want to wear, and what items I should bring with me, I want to remind you too, that the only person you should want to change for is yourself, because there are so many little things about you that those around you love, but never say. You have the right to love yourself as unconditionally as a parent loves their child. Forgiving yourself is important, loving yourself is essential.

love,
anna

p.s. i've opened a shop on redbubble, so if you'd ever like to support me in my now struggling college student life, please do take a look!

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