Saturday, 9 July 2016

Eighteen



Today I turn eighteen.

I don't know how to feel, whether I should feel, should react.

Somewhere along the line this age became considered old enough. Suddenly, I am an adult.

From today on I can vote, join the army, drive a motorcycle, buy cigarettes and alcohol, give blood. I can make a will, become a policewoman, sit on a jury, be paid more.

And, while I don't intend to do the majority of my instant priviledges, not a single person can stop me. I think I'm supposed to feel free.

Instead, I feel anxious.

Legally, the status of my being has changed. I am trusted, able to seek a full time job. The passport which this week I shall renew will look different. It will last 10 years rather than 5, because I am finished being a child.

Should I reminisce? Should I be wishing some part of me goodbye?

I am a day older than I was yesterday. But today I am new.

The baby that was born this day eighteen years ago could not think in words.

The girl who turned five this day thirteen years ago was scared of going to school.

The girl who turned thirteen this day five years ago missed primary school with all her heart.

The girl who turned fifteen this day three years ago did not know yet how cruel people could be.

Being an adolescent is perilous, turning even the doziest into an insomniac. It's about wearing stupid outfits and too much make up with too little skill. It's a time of passing obsession and figuring out whether it's you or them or neither.

I don't think I'll miss that aspect. I am so through with being my own mental punchbag.

But I am not ready to leave it all behind, either. Too much of what I love is in what I know.

Today, I am free.

Today, I choose to stay.

10 comments

  1. Great post, very well said. I can imagine turning 18 could be stressing, I'm only 16 and that's stressing enough!

    Stella xx
    http://onegirlblogger.blogspot.com/

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! So far I've definitely proven to myself a lack of ability to "adult". Growing up sure takes practise! X

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  2. Awe this is a very honest post, and I love how you put it. I'm a few years younger, and have already had those moments where I wasn't sure what I was going to do for the rest of my life, or how people would act towards me as I grew older. Loved the post :)

    Kyia at WANDERLUSTGIRL// lifestyle & beauty
    Follow me via BLOGLOVIN

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    Replies
    1. I'm so glad you liked it. Best of luck in your journey (: x

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  3. When I was 18, I thought life would still be the same but it turned out the opposite. I got featured by two companies; one from United Kingdom and one here in the Philippines. I received little achievements as a blogger that boosted a confidence in me and let me realized that it was a good thing to obey my best friend in making a blog on Tumblr 6 years ago. Without her, I wouldn't even be blogging or maybe I'm still in the process of building my capabilities as one. My article was published on the school's newspaper and I couldn't be more happy. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me. :)

    Great post, Anna. Enjoy your youth but be cautious. Happy birthday! I hope you'll have a great year ahead with endless opportunities to face and let the great Man above shower you with more blessings. <3

    Augustin Ra | Indie Spirit

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    Replies
    1. Wow! That is an amazing story of achievement. Well done! And thank you so much for your kind wishes x

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  4. Wow this is actually such a moving post! So thoughtful I love your blog x
    Morgan | www.justmorgs.com

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! It means a lot x (:

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  5. Eighteen is a nice age, but stressful.

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    Replies
    1. It's daunting is all I can say! I'm hopeful though (:

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Thank you for your words x

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